Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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