My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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