Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
