All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am available for nakedness
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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