i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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