Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
