So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
