I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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