Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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