i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
