Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
