the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
