did you get engaged???
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
