The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
