Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
