So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
