Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
