First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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