My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I looked at my own cervix.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
