VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
