i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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