I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
