my phone needs a breathalizer
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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