new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
