it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
