Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
