Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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