I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
