Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
