Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
