I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize