My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
