I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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