i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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