You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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