I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
