wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize