let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
