Porn is love you can see.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
