theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
