hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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