I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
