can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
