I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
