I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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