I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
