uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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