So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
