Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
