your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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