my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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