Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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