Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
