The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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