The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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