That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
