I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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