i don't like sucking hair
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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