i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
