So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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