Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
