Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
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