I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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