Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
