I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my shit smells like andre
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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