$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
