I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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