Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
