"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fuck me I smell like cheese
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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