I CAN MOONWALK!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
