My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
