so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
