She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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