What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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