dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
