Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
