i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
