Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize