She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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