I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize