Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
