yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
