I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
