You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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