I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
