Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
