I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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