So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she told me i tasted like america
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize