Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
