I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
