Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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