my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
