Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My penis needs a shock collar
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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