Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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