Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
